Making friends as an adult feels so different

As I’m preparing to go on a little boat cruise with a few familiar and new faces, and have just confirmed a lunch with an old classmate from my French class whom I haven’t seen in ages - which feels both exciting and a bit strange since it’s been so long, it suddenly hit me on the head (again!) that making new friends as an adult...especially after moving to a new country in your late 20s...feels like a whole different challenge compared to childhood or university days.

When we were kids or even students, friendships kind of just happened. You sat next to someone, started chatting and before you knew it, you had a bond that felt effortless and natural. It’s like you didn’t have to try so hard. You laughed over something silly and suddenly you had a friend...sometimes for life. There were no social strategies, no overthinking, no pressure. You just clicked, continued talking and somehow never stopped.

But as adults...and especially in a new country...it’s not so simple anymore. New culture, new ways people interact, a new rhythm of life. The people are often kind, sure, but it feels almost like trying to join a club that already has its members.

Of course, you might meet people...maybe at work or social events...but will those connections ever feel as deep, spontaneous or “just right” as the ones you made when you were younger? Will it ever feel the same as it did back then? The vulnerability, the endless hours of talking, the shared growing pains… it’s different now. People have their routines, families, responsibilities and sometimes it feels like everyone’s got a barrier or a filter.

That ease, that openness we had in school or university...it’s harder to come by now. Everyone’s carrying invisible responsibilities. Everyone’s a little more cautious, a little more guarded. And maybe that’s fair. We’ve all been through something to want to protect our peace. But it makes friendship feel more like effort than wonder. And for me, being an introvert adds another layer...making the effort to reach out feel even heavier.

Sometimes I wonder....will I ever again have a friend who just becomes my friend...without effort, without scheduling, without the subtle fear of being “too much” or “too eager”? And yes, I get it...beautiful, meaningful adult friendships do exist. But the process feels heavier now.
Slower. Less magical.

And then there’s the culture thing...a new challenge! Navigating a new social landscape with different unspoken rules.

But I know new connections don’t just happen by magic...we have to keep trying.
Maybe one day we’ll all just bump into someone at the boulangerie, make a joke about baguette and boom - best friends !
Until then...we try. We smile. We ask people to hang out even if it feels weird. And honestly? That’s already something.